I knew there would be relational fallout due to my coming out. I had mentally prepared myself to accept the fact that there would be people in my life that would not handle the news well. Despite the mental preparation, I definitely was not emotionally prepared for what would happen. I secretly hoped that we could all continue to get along and be friends…but that just didn’t happen.
The best-man from my wedding decided we couldn’t be friends anymore. He quietly dropped me from Facebook and has not called since I came out to him.
Several church “friends” decided that we can’t be friends anymore. They have dropped me from Facebook as well. One publically ridiculed me on my Facebook wall before deleting me. That was such a loving, Christian thing to do! Another person that I was very close to at my former church sent me a message saying that I was bringing him down and that he had to cut all ties with me.
One formerly “good friend” has spent a lot of time writing to me and trying to convince me of the error of my ways. Support is definitely NOT what I am getting from him.
I’ve met with a few friends one-on-one and told them what was going on. They seemed like they were surprised and could “agree to disagree” but I haven’t heard from them since.
And then there’s my parents. They have stressed over and over again that they are “not mad because I am gay”. BUT…they are mad at me…mad because I broke up the family…mad because I have stressed out everyone in the family…mad because I am not doing so well financially…mad because I “lied to them for so many years”…mad because they had to deal with this in their 70’s rather than in their 40’s. It has been almost a year and they have yet to meet my partner or come to my new place. They are keeping a distance from my new life.
Thankfully, while there has been all of this fallout in relationships, there is good news too! There have been some very supportive friends who have continued to be friends even though my whole life has changed. I am very thankful for all of them (many of you are reading this right now). And…I have NEW FRIENDS! And despite what many might think, all of the new friends aren’t all gay!!! I have been able to surround myself with gay, straight, single, married, Christian and not-so-religious people…all of whom accept me and like me just for who I am. So in the past year, I have found out who my real friends are and I have made a bunch of new friends. It has been a difficult process and there have been relational casualties along the way…but I am not lacking in the relational department at all. God has provided a strong support system for me.
I am so thankful for my friends, new and old, who stand by me and love me for who I am!