It has definitely been a while since I posted. Life has been very crazy, to say the least. I will have to take a couple of posts to get updated. The big things are that I have a new job and have moved out of my former home. But today’s post will focus on the backlash that I have experienced in coming out over the past month.
The end of December and beginning of January was a roller coaster of negative backlash in my life. For a while, it seemed like every day brought a new negative response from people in my life. It was a VERY emotional time for me as I dealt with the pain of tons of anger and rejection.
The backlash began with a friend stabbing me in the back. I won’t go into the details here but suffice it to say, this friend was upset with some of the decisions I was making with my life. The ensuing fallout with the friend got very ugly and even spilled over into the new church I am leading. The wounds of a friend cut deep, to be sure.
Additionally, my former boss (senior pastor) found out about the truth of my new life much faster than I had planned. His response was typical of conservative Evangelicalism and I am pretty sure by my phone call with him that I am now considered to be the spawn of Satan. While I would love to repeat some of the things said to me for shock value, I will choose not to do so in this forum. I will say, though, that I am very glad to be out of conservative Evangelicalism and will never look back after what I have experienced in the past couple of months!
Finally, I have experienced a great deal of backlash from my kids. At the moment, none of my kids want to see me nor are any of them speaking to me. This, by far, has been the most painful thing that has happened in the past month. Though my marriage has really been over for a year, the fact that I am already in a relationship even though my divorce is not final has not gone over well with my kids. Ultimately, I understand their feelings and know that there is no way that they can walk even for a minute in my shoes. So I just have to be patient with their process. I miss them like crazy and hope that they will be able to forgive me someday.
It feels like I have lost a lot in this process. I know there are probably still some relationships that will be lost as the news of my coming out touches more and more people. Though there has been a lot of backlash and pain in the loss, I am positive that I have done the right thing by being honest about who I am. Change couldn’t possibly happen without backlash and pain. But on the other side of things, I am now happy and content. Hopefully over the next year, things will calm down and I will be able to rebuild the trust and love that I once had with my kids. And I imagine that I will find out who my real friends are in this process. But in the process, I am boldly taking one step forward at a time…knowing that my happiness and destiny are now beginning to come to fruition.