Telling the Boy

Posted: November 20, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Last week, I finally told my youngest son what is going on.  I have to say that it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life.  I will never forget the look on his face when I said, “Mommy and Daddy have decided not to stay married to each other.”  His head bowed…he looked down…a frown came on his face…and tears began to well up in his eyes.

And then I told him why…I’m gay.  How do you explain that to a 9 year old?  And how do you help him to understand that even though the family is going to change, that we will always be family.  And how do you help him to understand that none of it his fault?  And how do you help to heal the pain that he is feeling when he hears news that hurts so deeply?

I cried.  It hurt me to see him hurt.  I hugged him and told him that I love him and that I will always be his dad no matter what.

And it killed me.

It was seriously one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.


  1. Jack Scott says:

    Yes, I can imagine it was hard. I hope he can come to understand.

    Best wishes.

    Jack Scott

  2. Buddy Bear says:

    Best wishes to you and you family. It was a necessary step that had to be done.

  3. Adam says:

    The worst day of my life was telling my children that their mother and I were divorcing. It’s so incredibly painful to see the hurt in your child’s eyes. But my kids got through that dark period and have grown to be bright and caring young adults who love both their parents. May it be so for you.

  4. pcurtain says:

    Sorry Man. So truly sorry.

  5. notalone says:

    I feel for you….. I wish for peace in your world.

  6. Birdie says:

    I was that 9-year-old child hearing those words from my father. I can tell you that I never doubted his love for me, in spite of seeing him only one weekend per month until he died when I was 18. He was an alcoholic, and he struggled to keep a job. He was broke most of the time, and we spent our time watching TV and visiting public parks. He was one of the gentlest and most loving people I ever knew, in spite of my mother’s attempts to paint a bad picture out of her pain and hurt.

    Your son may take the burden upon himself to “fix” this, as so many children do. Constantly reassure him that he did nothing wrong to make this happen. Tell him how happy he makes you just being who he is, and in spite of the painful changes now, all of you will be happier as a result of the changes. It just takes time. NEVER speak ill of your ex-wife. He’ll see the truth for what it is. (My father had plenty of ammunition and never fired once in my presence. I recognized that from day one: the essence of grace. Not so with Mom.)

    Forgive yourself for the pain that you see. You are in pain, too, and it DOES get better for all concerned. Let it go. It is part of the journey to your true self as God made you.

  7. Birdie says:

    Full disclosure: in rereading my post above, it may give the impression that my father was gay. He was not. (But my brother was. Another story.)

  8. Mike says:

    Hey… just stumbled upon your blog. It seems that we are on similar paths. I grew up SBC, went overseas for a while, started working at a church outside Atlanta, planted a church in Atlanta and most recently have been an Executive Recruiter. I came out about 10 months ago. I have a 10 year old boy. Please send me an email to I’d love to connect.

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