The past few weeks have been really rough. About two weeks ago today, my wife took a stab at me publicly and that really hurt. The same day, I found out that my daughter is now pissed at me and doesn’t want me to speak with her (just like my oldest son). Honestly, I blew a cork. I was so hurt and so angry. After all, I have been bending over backwards, trying very hard to do right by my family in this situation. And now, it feels like I just keep getting “punished” for everything that is going on. I decided that I am done being hurt by my family. I told my wife that I was done and that I will be taking drastic steps to move on as soon as possible.
Things have cooled down since then but the hurt kept me in a lot of emotional darkness for a good week. But needless to say, life at my house isn’t very friendly right now.
But this weekend, I had a revelation. I think I have finally come to a place where I am able to let go.
I think it has taken all of the pain, especially the pain of the past couple of weeks, to bring me to a place where I am able to let go and move on. I have a feeling that God has been trying to pry my clenched fists open! I have been trying so hard to have some sort of normalcy at home…to still be a family…to hold tightly to all that I know…and holding that tightly had to come to an end. I can’t move on with my life is I’m holding tightly to my old life. I think God used the hurt I’ve now experienced with my family to help me to let go so that I can move on.
Now don’t get me wrong…I still love my family. My kids will always be my kids and I look forward to a better relationship with them in the future. But I think I needed to let go now so that it would make it easier for me to take the steps forward that I have needed to take.
Plus, the last couple of weeks have been very difficult at my church. There is a lot of pettiness and legalism going on. That, too, has brought me to a place where I know I need to let go there as well. I need to move on. I need to be in a different type of ministry setting. I can let go and move on.
So I am letting go. I am ready to take the big steps of faith I need to take to move on into the future. I wish it didn’t take so much hurt to cause me to let go. But I guess God will use whatever He needs to in order to get my attention and help me to move.
So thanks, God!