Coming to an Understanding

Posted: January 28, 2011 in Uncategorized
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In the past week, my wife and I have had a couple of conversations that brought both of us to a mutual understanding.  It’s nice to be able to have these conversations without any fear and without any anger.  There is an honesty now that is so refreshing.

As we have come to a new understanding of our lives, it is becoming more and more clear that it is inevitable that my wife and I will split up.  For those of you freaking out as you read that, please know that it is not happening immediately.  Other things need to come together before that ever happens.  But I say this because of some new things that my wife is now saying.  She told me in the past week that she is “excited about the future”.  As I probed more, she said, “If there is a possibility that I can eventually have the kind of love I’ve always wanted, then I’m excited to get out there and find it.”  That really put my heart at ease.  I had been feeling so guilty, figuring that because my wife tends to be shy, that she wouldn’t put herself out there again.  So it was nice to hear that she is actually thinking about it…and that she is looking forward to it.  In another conversation, she mentioned that many people who know of our situation are overly concerned about making sure we stay together.  She then said, “But what about what I want?”  She is making it clear that she desperately wants to be loved by a man who is passionately in love with all of who she is.

So we are at a new level of understanding.  We are not rushing ahead.  Things need to happen and come together.  But eventually, we both hope to move on to the next chapter of our lives.  And thankfully, we have a greater understanding and love for each other than before.  It’s nice to be able to have these talks without them being messy.  We are able to speak openly and honestly about what we want and about how we want to move forward.  I never thought that we could be so much on the same page.  It’s really nice to be able to support each other in the new ways that we are!



  1. nwdan says:

    Very encouraging post! Your journey is very different than mine, and there’s still a long road ahead of you, but this seems to bode well for a positive future for both you and your wife. Will be praying for both of you and for your family.

  2. Alan says:

    Hi Pastor,

    I’ve very happy for you and your wife… very exciting for both of you. You may have noticed on my blog that there have been much drama in my gay life recently. There’s been a great deal of anger and bitterness directed at me, but today, there was a first sign of a polite conversation. This leads me to hope that my wife and I can reach what you and your wife have already achieved. Congratulations!

  3. Hopeful. I hope and pray this for my wife all the time. She’s a great woman, and she will make someone so very happy. I hope she is open to it.

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