I knew it was going to hurt. I definitely don’t like pain. And maybe it’s just that I’m feeling a little bruised about all of this right now. But I just have to say that coming out hurts! One of the reasons it hurts is because there are people who will not understand and who are not supportive of your decision. And I now know why that is so painful: it is because those who express their unhappiness at your decision are basically saying that they don’t value who you are.
I don’t expect everyone to understand. It just hurts when they express that.
A few months ago, I opened up to the guy who was best-man in my wedding. His response (coming from a conservative Christian perspective) was pretty harsh. He basically told me that I needed to repent. Ouch.
This week, I have had three people express their disappointment in me…and one of them is a family member so the sting of that one is harder to deal with. On one hand, I can take it. I don’t live for the approval of others. I expect disappointment and disagreement. But on the other hand, it still hurts. It hurts because I feel devalued and all of my old codependent issues kick in. I begin to second-guess myself. I question if I am going off the “deep end”. I literally have to talk myself out of that negative thinking and remind myself of what I know to be true.
I know this is just the beginning. There are going to be TONS of people who are going to express their disagreement and even distaste to me. I guess I just need to toughen up and start to get used to it. There will be people who will choose not to associate with me any longer. I’m trusting that those who make that choice will not be people that are close to me. It’s a bit scary.
I know many people go through this and have already been through this in their lifetime. But I am new to this…and it hurts. I trust there will be a time in the not-too-distant future when I have gone through this whole process and I don’t have to keep getting hurt by people who don’t understand.
But that is probably fantasy-thinking. 😦