Crazy Week

Posted: January 8, 2011 in Uncategorized
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It has been kind of a crazy week!  First, she knew.  Then she asked.  And now we are discussing.  Crazy!

I feel like my stomach has been in knots all week.  This has been stressful, to say the least!  But really, the stress has been about a lot of unknowns and just anxiety over what the future holds.

I mentioned before that my wife emailed me and asked.  Well, the emailing has continued.  In order to keep things sane around the house, to make sure the kids are not privy to anything, and to handle a difficult situation in bite-sized chunks, we have continued to email each other back and forth.  That has actually been a good way to handle things so far…it makes it easy to say things without a big meltdown.  I told my wife that it was ok to ask me questions right now and that I would answer what I could via email and save the rest for our counseling session together.  So in her last email, she presented me with a list of questions she had for me.  This weekend I will respond…and the web will get deeper.  Slowly but surely, she will be “getting the picture”.  By the time we have the counseling session, all will be out on the table.

And that is the good news…she has agreed to go to my next counseling session.  I have a call in to the counselor and am waiting to get a call back to see when we can get it scheduled.  I’m sure it will be in the next week or two.

In the meantime, I am trying to get in touch with another denomination.  I don’t know what the future holds for my ministry but I need to begin to take some steps to start some conversations…just in case.

Pray for my weekend.  We will be together all weekend without our jobs to distract us.  It will be interesting to see if any discussions happen.  I’ll keep you all updated!


  1. toujoursdan says:

    Re: Changing denominations. This isn’t the first thing on your mind but it is your career so it’s important think about it.

    You might want to contact another friend of mine: Keith Haithcock. His background was Church of God (Anderson, IN) but he came out and was able to transfer to the United Church of Christ and serves as a full time pastor in that denomination. He may be able to give you some advice if you want to go that route. Our mutual friend Michael B. might be of help too. The great thing about the UCC is that they are pretty open to different theologies and practises. So it doesn’t involve a big switch on how you do things now.

    This is Keith’s church: Drop him a line and mention me.

    The Metropolitan Community Church is the largest gay denomination and draws people from a variety of backgrounds, but unless you’re part of a large church like Dallas’ Cathedral of Hope (which recently joined the United Church of Christ), their clergy tend to be in part time positions. Again, their pretty open to different theological and worship styles.

    The Episcopal and ELCA Lutheran church are certainly other choices, but that would mean that you would have to change theological and worship styles. If you went that route it means going through a year or two of discernment under a bishop, getting approval by lay body called the Commission on Ministry before being allowed to go [back] to seminary for a year or two of classes on Anglican or Lutheran theology, polity and liturgics. Both tend to pay well and have good benefits once you are through, though. The Episcopal and ELCA Lutheran churches are very, very slowly moving toward some kind of institutional merger so there is a lot of cooperation, money and resources between us.

    There is a gay Episcopal priest who is about our age in a neighboring parish here in Brooklyn from a Foursquare background. I could ask him what he did.

  2. I understand the fear about your job. I sometimes wonder if the UCC would have me. But I don’t want to move away!

    • Pastor Chris says:

      There are plenty of denominations that will have you. And you will have to move away to be authentic…there’s no other way around it. It was a HUGE change for me to leave Evangelicalism and I had many points along the way that were uncomfortable for me theologically. But I kept telling myself, “Sit and listen…learn…be open minded…see what you have to learn here and what God has to say to you.” So I sat in the uncomfortable places…and slowly…I became more comfortable. Then I started to have an awakening of sorts and things all fell into place. Again, this is another subject I can talk to you more about.

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