The last few times that I have written posts, I have expressed fears, frustrations, and worry. While all of those things are natural with what I am going through, I realize that this is no way to live or to get through this issue in my life. I have been trying to “figure out” everything, rather than let God be my guide. Thankfully, both a friend and my counselor have spoken into my life in the past week and a half to help me realize that I need to live more from my center.
I know that at the core of my being, God is there. He has created me to be the person I am and He desires that I live in the confidence of who He has made me to be. So for me, I realize that I need to get away from the dualistic thinking that I was embracing before. I don’t need to fit this group or that group. I don’t need to figure out in advance if I am supposed to stay in a straight relationship or move into a gay one. Everything isn’t black and white…it’s not either/or. I just need to live my life and be true to who I am at the core of my being. As I do that and live honestly from the center of who God has created me to be, everything else will fall into place. I don’t need to get anxious. I don’t need to have all of the answers. I just need to be. God will work out the rest. Ultimately, I am a child of God and my identity is in Christ. Everything else flows out of that.
So I’m taking a deep breath. I’m not going to over-think everything. I am going to be true to myself and learn to live from the center.
Thanks to James and my counselor for speaking truth into my life.
A Pastor's Journey Out of the Closet... 
That is the only thing you can do to be completely happy, is to be true to yourself. As you know I came out when I was 46 but was on my own for 6 years before that. A wonderful man just came in to my life at exactly the right time for both of us and for some reason I just know that we are together for the rest of our lives. There is none of this thinking in the back of my mind that this isn’t right, like there was when I was married to a woman. Now after 2 years of coming out to my family, friends and anyone else that asks, I just feel this gigantic weight has been lifted off me.All I can say to you is be who you really are and the rest will eventually work out and if you have a fear of never finding a man in your life, just remember there are millions of US out there in exactly the same boat. Look forward to reading more.
Hey,
Just read a lot of your posts. I just started a blog, I think for some of the same reasons you did. I needed to get some stuff out, even if no one read it. Well, I read yours, and I hear you. I don’t think that I am at the place where I am making some of the same conclusions as you but this I know, we have some similarities: 1. I am also a pastor, 2. I am also married with children, 3. I am also in my 40’s and 4. I also struggle with same sex attraction. I didn’t really think that I would ever talk to someone else who was in my shoes but thank you for your open and honest insights into your life. It helps me to know that I am not alone and that there are others that are fighting for the right answers for their lives.
Vincent1962.blogspot.com
http://www.livestream.com/bishopjimswilley/video?clipId=flv_c06fb65a-d284-4545-8237-775df11a2819&utm_source=lslibrary&utm_medium=ui-thumb
Is that you? 🙂 I thought of you!
No, that’s not me. But you do know me!
Hermano,
You’re the best.
p.s. did you see this?
http://www.buzzfeed.com/gavon/megachurch-pastor-comes-out-of-the-closet
keep posting.
No, I hadn’t seen that. I will check out the news stories about it! Thx!
How is the whole of scripture (and not man or yourself) guiding you? That question is not meant to be rude or condescending but real. God gave us His Word as a light unto our path and a lamp unto our feet. I find (as I am in this struggle also) that if left to my own thinking and all the voices from others that want to be my counselor, I am easily confused and my stress level builds.
Also, if you have not read Wesley Hills new book “Washed and Waiting”, I recommend it. It has been very helpful as Wesley talks about his own struggle. Two more books that are great are “Christ Formed in You” by Brian Hedges, and “Future Grace” by John Piper. Piper’s book helped me to know (from scripture) of God’s guiding hand and future grace, not just past grace.
As a pastor, I am sure you are well acquainted with God’s Word but the question is, how are you applying it daily to your own life. I would like to hear your reflections on that.
Be encouraged and remember that life is struggle and life is war at times but we are not alone.
Scott
say what???